Chivalry

Is chivalry still common, or does women's independence make it considered inappropriate?  I know women who are offended by overtly chivalrous behavior from men or their partners/lovers.  I know I am offended sometimes, but other times I appreciate it.  Why?  And why does a discussion of this have to be about gender? Why should I feel badly about accepting free drinks or having a door opened for me? What term, maybe better than politeness or respect, could be used to separate chivalry from the sexist fundamental Western values that bind our civilization.  Chivalry grew out of a dark period and was based on moral behavior and knighthood (honor) and it's implications don't have to be gendered! Right?

Amongst my closest friends chivalry tends to be more closeted, but in some sense maybe we need more of it out in the open. Maybe not in the traditional sense but in standing up for our friends, loved ones, reading a situation that might be uncomfortable for someone and stepping in to assist (without being that jealous lover.)

Maybe we as women need to really BE more independent instead of just saying we are.  For example, when a bar owner is hitting on my friend and I, "accidentally" showing us porn on his laptop (= sexual harassment?), we put up with it and laughed at his perverted jokes simply because he offered us free shots.  A bar owner (of a respected JP bar) should not behave that way but it also doesn't help that we, who consider ourselves strong, independent women who look after ourselves, are validating his behavior.  Maybe if I expect to be respected I shouldn't allow him to make me look like a drink-whore. Maybe other men in the bar didn't realize that we were actually just using him...but at whose expense?  Is it a privilege of an independent woman to do this?

I think I might have made up for this Friday night when I booted a young "gentleman" from a gathering at my house.  Many of my friends later told me that they heard the things he was saying yet for some reason nobody told him to cut it out.  Maybe if he'd been called out a bit earlier in the night he wouldn't have kept going or disturbed so many women.  I don't like that happening to my friends at all, but especially not under my roof a place that unlike a bar, I can actually do something about who is there.   Recognizing women are independent doesn't mean you should stand by while they are being demeaned.  Somebody should say something.

I guess that night, that person was me. I guess I wore the "balls"...and I think I might do it more often.